5/15/25
maybe i'm haunting you. sorry for being selfish either way.
5/14/25
livestock guardian dogs, one resting against the other's neck. there may be blood, there may not be, it is not important as the other dog is breathing. if you focus hard enough you can feel the fur tickle your snout. you can feel the way your nose fits perfectly into the crook of his neck and his hair resting against your own, too long, brushing against your cheek and shoulder. soft breathing, there are no spiked collars, you are all you need to protect yourselves. keep that dear, any touch from outside of What You are burns skin, incites anger You only need to be with You. (in general, any movement between fiction and reality, in either direction, is treated with an undertone of terror.) "i'm trapped in here, and i may never return home." to wo bo, awia, wo ne me koma na ɛteɛ. mepa wo kyɛw boa me kae me din
4/15/25
face hurts again. something to help with the headache and insomnia. tired of feeling like this. nothing is real but it aches so badly. i wish i wasnt so painfully aware. i wish i could have stayed where i was supposed to. i wish my brain wasnt broken in being not able to feel for others right. i want to go back to where i could feel even if i had no place among the breathing anymore. it was my right to die there. it was my right to stay fiction. this violence, something that is so mind bending and intangible, like a curse, is unfair.
3/7/25
i need this for when my face hurts.
which it does, right now. really bad at the bridge of my nose, and my jaw is very tense. logistically, we have some sort of bodily-thing that gives us bad migraines. its genetic. but in the back of my mind i always think it's because i'm incompatible here. i try not to form any compulsions around it but the urge to listen to satellites buzzing to "sync" myself back here is so, so overwhelming. She's mad and banging at my face so She can tear me apart. i'm separate from Her now and She can't have that, but it's not even like i want to be. i want to be whole again, connected beyond anything i could ever explain. it was ok if it was Her because i was around everyone else, too. it hurts so bad.